Something about Me

Hello people,

My name is Wile E. Super Genius

I am currently in my laboratory thinking of ways to besmirch the dastardly Orange Cat that torments me everyday on my outings. I wish I could say that I could turn the other cheek when it comes the orange hairball but if I did I might end up looking like I had a run in with Freddy Krueger. I will tell you a little about myself. When I was a young pup I had a rough life. The people who owned me…yes, I said owned me…didn’t treat me very well. I was often kicked and hit. As I was tied up in the back yard being soaked by a March downpour I finally made my escape by desperately chewing through the harness that held me captive. I was free!!!! Alone on the streets, hungry, and hurt, but free!
Soon the Dog cops caught me and I was held at the “Pound”. It wasn’t as bad as where I was before: I had food, water and a roof over my head. I had three roommates that were very pushy and always stealing all the food, but I guess it could have been worse. My time at the pound was growing short. Everyday people would walk through the halls looking at us and trying to decide if we would go home with them. I waited for my turn, but it didn’t seem like it was going to come. One sunny day, a girl with long flowing brown hair walked up to my cage. She bent down and called to the little black whiney guy laying behind me. He looked up but never came to her. I walked up and placed my paw through the cage to get her attention. I also gave her my best booboo lip. She looked at me and said something to the big lady with her, then walked off. My heart sank into my tail.
Several days passed, and it was looking bleak. Several people came to my cage, and the girl and the big lady came too, but they were looking at the black dog, not me. It didn’t look like I was ever going to get probation. An older gentleman reached down and picked up the little black dog and cuddled him tight. Well, at least I got rid of a roommate. The girl sat down in front of my cage and took a tennis ball out of her pocket. She put it near me to see what my reaction would be (she didn’t know that next to cow and chicken the tennis ball is one of my favorite things). I didn’t know it at the time, but the girl and big lady were in the process of springing me out. I had to have surgery and a microchip before I could leave, but once that was all done the Big Lady came back, scooped me up in a blanket, put me in a warm dog crate, and took me to a new home.

My new home is amazing. I have my own bed with a fuzzy blanket (we refer to it as a woobie). I have tons of toys, food, treats, cookies, but most importantly a family who loves me. I have a girl, a mom and a dad. While my plan for world domination is ongoing, at least I can do it in comfort with the love and support of my new family


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Beware of the Monsters in the closet.......

So my mom had yesterday off… I thought we were just going to hang out and nap, maybe watch some TV but nothing could have prepared me for what really happened.  Now, I'm sure you've all heard the expression skeletons in the closet.  Well, my mom keeps "MONSTERS" in the closet.  From time to time I have seen one of the monsters.  Its tall gray body, red eye and loud noise make me shutter.  It likes to suck up all my fur and has occasionally gotten one of my hidden treats.  Normally this Monster is only allowed out of its closet when I am out for a walk..that way I do not have to talk to it or defend my stuff from it.


Today that was not the case..Mom decided to bring out not one but both of the MONSTERS….  First out came the gray Cyclops, it went through the entire house sucking up all the crumbs, hair and dust… Mom even let it on the couch where it sucked up the cheetos that had been abandoned by my girl.  If I had known they were there I would have eaten them first. !!!   I barked at the beast several times trying to get it to go back to its closet but Mom just kept wheeling it through the house letting it devour anything it wanted too. Once mom was done she set the Cyclops in the hallway…not back in the closet where it belonged…. This caused me a great deal of concern because it was right near the most important room in the house…. Yes, the KITCHEN


Next Mom brought out the BIG MONSTER>>>> it was dark Gray and Black striped with several red eyes..  It looked like a tall spider with all its legs curled up on its back.   I could see directly into its stomach…  I knew I was in trouble because when Mom brought it out… its stomach was empty….yikes!!!!  Mom filled its stomach with water and some other stuff and then let the Spider Monster go back and forth on the carpet… I could see the juices in its stomach turning and bubbling.  When I  approached the area the monster had just left, the floor was wet…  It Pee'd on the floor… I get yelled at for this but the Monster does it and nothing happens… Go figure….  Mom walked back and forth with the Striped Sucky Spider Monster.  It made a loud droning sucking noise…  Me, with my Ninja like skills snuck up behind it I noticed that the floor smelled weird….It smelled like me after I take a bath… No evidence of my family smells, no evidence of my smells… It really freaked me out so I took a defensive position under the bed.  When the Monster entered the room I quickly came out barked and howled to let it know its presence was not wanted and then quickly retreated to the safety behind my Dad's shoes.  I feared that it would pee on me and wash away all my Wile E essence.


This lasted for what seemed like an eternity.  Just when the noise stopped my mom would dump the water out of its stomach and put new water in and then it would start all over again.   FINALLY, my girl came home from school she grabbed my leash and took me outside for a walk while my mom finished with the Striped Sucky Spider Monster.  By the time I was done with my walk both the Monsters were back in their holding pens.  The throw rugs were back in place and so was all the furniture.  The only evidence that they had been out was the clean carpets and fresh smells that wafted throughout the house.  Now you might think that this is the end of this Horror story but OOOHHHH NOOOOO…. When I came back in the house my Mom took my girl aside and told her I needed a ……B  A  T H…  she took off my collar and I knew I was in trouble..  As we walked toward the bathroom I thought for just a moment that the Striped Sucky Spider Monster was in there waiting to get me… turns out it was just the dumb bath tub.  People think that Horror stories are only on TV.  I lived through one yesterday..  At least none of my toys, friends met their demise. 
So to you my friends I say keep your eyes open… your house might have a Cyclops or spider monster watching…waiting….


Tell next time….stay monster free….


Cheers, from the dog with the ears….
 


 


 

Posted by WIle E. at 4:35 AM

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